Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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