Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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