He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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