He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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