3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
