Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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