Im at strip club and am horny
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
