My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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