you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
