So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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