Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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