How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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