I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
