NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this boner is exhausting
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
