Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
