i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
