My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize