i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
