Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
