:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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