i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize