It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
