also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
