Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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