I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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