i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
