I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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