Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
