Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
