we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
