i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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