No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
