Betty ford says i'm here all night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
