I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
