it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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