i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
