Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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