Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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