sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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