i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
