i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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