I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
