Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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