it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
