I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
