Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize