I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
