Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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