you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
