If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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