I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
