Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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