How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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