Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
