one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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