never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
