I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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