Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize