I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
