He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
