he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
