remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
