life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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