peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
