you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
