I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
