Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
