so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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