I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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